I'm not after fame and fortune..

..Agnes should stop listening to RA so often..but it is stronger than her.. she need to do it or she will get mad.. wait a minute.. she actually got mad!!

I was watching the Lords of Dogtown and.. I really want to skate, now!!
I love winter.. today is the day when snowflakes came back to say "hello" and I was happy that I saw them, but.. they built the barrier between me and my will to fall on hard concrete while wearing wheel boots, because it can make me feel alive.
But now? I am stuck in my bedroom because viruses and bacterias came for a visit, watching silly teenage films and dreaming about next week..

two schoolless weeks.. two weeks of heaven?
not at all..
I want to see Mr. C and tell him the truth..
exactly how lady Lou has written to me..
I have got a beautiful package from her^^

and also a letter from miss G.

I have not seen her for..7 years? and she can still remember me!

"I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.. my head really hurts.."
am I really such a typical teenager or is this song really describing how do I feel?
See, I should stop listening to that.. I should return to Mr. Cave and Corner and Curtis.. but You know what? They are my energy vampires, I always feel so weak after their songs.. so I need crazy rock of some guys who might be called posers because they play on saving the planet and then eat in McDonald's, but the energy.. the energy* is something special on them and I cannot give it up.. because I love it.. the same as I love skating.. and I need it..as soon as possible..

*when I write about energy I mean the earlier songs..



poizen me

I am not posting this picture for nothing..
I think the dress of my poupée, her face expression, the room and also the little piyos are showing me right now..

I should not promise anything but I am making an exception..
I will soon write something longer and much more interesting.. until then, just watch the badly printed picture..

life less frightening

I wanted to describe my feelings and realized that the lyric of this song includes almost everything I want to say..

Suffering from something
We're not sure of
In a world
There is no cure for
These lives we live
Test negative for happiness
Flat line, no pulse, but eyes open
Single file like soldiers on a mission
If there's no war outside our heads
Why are we losing?

I don't ask for much (Life less)
Truth be told I'd settle (frightening)
For a life less frightening, (Life less)
A life less frightening (frightening)

I don't ask for much (Life less)
Truth be told I'd settle (frightening)
For a life less frightening, (Life less)
A life less frightening (frightening)

Hang me out to dry
I'm soaking
With the sins of knowing
What's gone wrong
But doing nothing
I still run
Time again I have found myself stuttering
Foundations pulled out from under me
This breath is wasted on them all
Will someone answer me

I don't ask for much (Life less)
Truth be told I'd settle (frightening)
For a life less frightening, (Life less)
A life less frightening (frightening)

I don't ask for much (Life less)
Truth be told I'd settle (frightening)
For a life less frightening, (Life less)
A life less frightening (frightening) 

Is there a God tonight
Up in the sky
Or is it empty just like me? (Just like me)
A place where we can hide
Out from the night
Where you are all I see (Where you are all I see)
So blow a kiss goodbye then close your eyes
Tell me what you see (Tell me what you see)
A lifetime spent inside this dream of mine
Where you are all I see 

honeysweet chocolate day

instead of making another heartbreaking New Year's wish to all the pretty people in the world, I have to solve a dilema..

buy or not to buy?

Helen Rochfort is absolute genius.. I wish I could buy more bags and give them as presents but none of my friends is obsessed with the fantastic sweet world of wonders and magic..
maybe Kuya is but I am not sure she would use it..
aww..ohh =X

Advice no.1: Never ask tarot cards when You are afraid of the answer
Advice no.2: Pushing daisies cheer You up ^^

lost in post

I had a horrible dream today..

I was at some meadow or on the forest road when I saw a creature.. it had two legs and an enormous head with a giant mouth and it remind me some kind of frog.
Its skin was scaly but not so rough..
It terrified me but at the beginning it did not seem to hurt me.. actually, it wanted to play with me.. or me to follow it?.. my memory is not so clear.. but after a while the creature changed its mind and started to bite me.. my whole body was in its mouth however I could not feel its sharp teeth. I was not hurt at all.
Then I can remember I was trying to escape it.. with some members of my family..
..and after that came blackout because I waked up.

the end of the year started inviting everyone to celebrate, myself included..

I am not a fan of big festivals and parties, actually, I hate watching drunk people..
I find them disgusting.. gross.. but perhaps also happy.

What do they miss in this world? A little drop of spirit makes them believe that they can do everything and that their troubles have never really existed.
Everything is so bright and beautiful and.. tottering..

I am to spend the last day of the year at my granny's.

This is not what I planned about two days ago but my plans almost never become true.

Actually, I am looking forward to that.

My granny is the most important person in the world for me now. We can spend the whole day talking and laughing and crying and dreaming.. and I have not seen her since the winter holiday started.
Okay, my family went there after the Christmas Eve but how can You make fun of Your own family when they are right behind You?..

about the song..

last two days I spent watching Pride and Prejudice (the one with Keira Knightley and also the one with Colin Firth.)

16 hours of watching this beautiful dreamy story^^

of course, I could go for a walk or ice-skating or read all the books I have got but doing pointless things without any resolution is something I am really good at..

but I realized I have to wake up from dreaming and laziness because I need to get some white empire dress^^..

spider man is having me for dinner tonight

Many people says that the music of The Cure works as a real cure..
I love the music but I think it is making me feel worse..
and neither the hair and make-up of Robert Smith can make it better..

I said I am looking forward to snow and Chirstmas and all of this stuff, but..
I cannot say I am happy.

I met many beautiful people at the Prague Lolita meeting.. and drank yogi tea, which I love..

I have written a letter but there is noone I can give it to..
Confused is missing.. and there is the whole weekend I have to wait before I get another chance..
I feel desperate and miserable and hating myself and the unknown creature..

..I am just a lost teenage girl and this is how can I complain about it all..

in the lake..

I woke up today and looked out of the window.. and I saw SNOW^^.. the lovely fresh sparkling snow I was waiting for.
Nature has started its winter transformation and I should feel happy that white beauty.. but it's not happening.

The rest of autumn melancholy tries to settle down in my mind.

But why?

I dyed my hair ink blue.. I feel like Coraline and many people said it suits me..
I heard Confused talking so I know the tone of his voice - and it's not irritating at all..

Tomorrow I am going to Nürnberk /Germany/ to the big market..actually I must wake up in four hours and should be sleeping..
I have got a letter from my Australian pen friend..



..but the song playing in my head is about murder and blood and being ugly and pain and loneliness..
it's like In the lake but not exactly.. but the melody is very similar..

this just a scream of a miserable girl needing some answer although she knows it will never come..