Jaký to úchvatný den se zase nekonal..

One day.. the abosolutely perfect day in my life I want to wake up and say “I’m feeling good”

trochu zázrak, trochu kobliha, trochu panika

I have to say I planned to post something different but plans never actually come out like we expected so.. that’s it.

i have yoyo.. yo yeah yeah..

*omluva slečně K. za šlohnutí textu z bublinky její panenky – nutno říci, že opodstatněně, ovšem to se nejspíš zbloudilé oči čtenářů dozví až někdy příště*

rozteklá

..how a little girl decided to humiliate herself by writing in language she barely understands again..

Everyone I know - me included - complains about the boiling scourge which arrived at the worst moment ever.. And I don't mean the end of holiday, becuse mine will continue until the end of this September.. well, I hope =X

Because of the lack of any plan for tomorrow - except the evening with Miss Pete - I am not going to wake up to that baking athmosphere although my body is not made of sugar or chocolate to be melted but I just cannot stand it.. this is not the climate I was born for.. I will rather sleep all day..

..my domain is clouded sky, lightly strong wind..snowing when it gets dark in winter and mizzle during the rest of the year.. conditions which allow me to wear sweater, jackets, coats..or just a stupid cardigan, I don't care.. but please, bring me cold, bring me Christmas!

I feel like an idiot but I realized that I am not the only one who feels they're coming.. this week I saw two various episodes of two various series on Czech tv with Christmas theme.. and what is worse, I totally support it!

last week I saw wonderful winter boots.. with heels, victorian inspired.. but made of leather, so, I did not buy them but I really started to think about ice on the street, white snowflakes on my black coat, which I have to buy, by the way..

everyone on January is surprised that there is so much snow and wants the winter to stop spreading its power but for me the hell starts when the sun rises before I have to get up.

I hate holiday, there is too much time for me to think about things.. just me and all my demons locked in a room coated to bloody red..

and when I sometimes meet my friends I fall deeper in black thoughts after they leave..but its mainly because of questions they ask me and their little obsessions which unleash madness in my head even when I try to ignore it..sometimes it works better, sometimes it's worse..you know - LIFE.

pierrot

Jak je nemožná..
Trapná i na srazu recesistů, protže JEJÍ recese je až příliš dokonalá..
Její tělo křičí "Jsem tady!Dívejte se!" ale nikdo to neslyší.. všichni zírají kamsi pryč, ona je jen černý blýskavý flek na duze, která tančí kolem nich..
Je jí smutno, v hlavě a před očima se jí promítá všechno.. všechny tváře, cizí i její, jak se měnily v čase..
Ty dvě si povídají, jedna je dokonce součástí duhy.. říká, že v ní být nechce, ale ona ví, že ji to těší.. proto přeci existuje, ne?
Být součást duhy.. ale jak? Duha ji přehlíží.. tak hledá ty černé.. ale pak zjistí, že všichni se tak jen tvářili, protože ve skutečnosti hrají všemi barvami.. jako duha.
A ona neví, co s tím, jak se té černé zbavit.. jak přestat být jen nečistotou, jen kazem..co když na to nikdy nepřijde?

Dear Lady America,

.. I have never had anything against You.
I love Your music, Your history, Your literature (Mr. Poe <3). Many of Your citizens became my heroes who I want to see for myself one day.
I must admit I don't like Your fast food chains but that's because vegetarians can't find there anything to eat.
I am not religious, I hate wars.. But political system isn't perfect in any state I know so I cannot say anything bad on its address.
..
But, please, could You explain me WHY did You get the icon of muslim world the day my parents went for the greatest holiday of their lifetime to NEW YORK?! I love them so much and now I am sitting on a sofa, safe, but shaking because of fear. You owe me thousands of tears and my nerves. And nine sleepless nights (or full of nightmares.. the today's one was extremely horrible..)
..
After two weeks I should be able to do one of the biggest exams in my school life and I cannot concentrate because mum and dad are behind the ocean, in a land where everything is possible. I wish they enjoyed it as much as they can. I am ready for all troubles if it would keep them safe. But why.. why, why why.. Two little creatures who stayed at home need their parents. And not only these two..

PS: I have nothing against muslims, I know that not all of them are terrorists. But only one person with bombs around one's body can destroy many lives..

2PS: My mum called me that they are okay. This article was written in fear and nervousness. There are another bad things which can happen. So, please, Lady America, take care of them.

spider man is having me for dinner tonight

Many people says that the music of The Cure works as a real cure..
I love the music but I think it is making me feel worse..
and neither the hair and make-up of Robert Smith can make it better..

I said I am looking forward to snow and Chirstmas and all of this stuff, but..
I cannot say I am happy.

I met many beautiful people at the Prague Lolita meeting.. and drank yogi tea, which I love..

I have written a letter but there is noone I can give it to..
Confused is missing.. and there is the whole weekend I have to wait before I get another chance..
I feel desperate and miserable and hating myself and the unknown creature..

..I am just a lost teenage girl and this is how can I complain about it all..

in the lake..

I woke up today and looked out of the window.. and I saw SNOW^^.. the lovely fresh sparkling snow I was waiting for.
Nature has started its winter transformation and I should feel happy that white beauty.. but it's not happening.

The rest of autumn melancholy tries to settle down in my mind.

But why?

I dyed my hair ink blue.. I feel like Coraline and many people said it suits me..
I heard Confused talking so I know the tone of his voice - and it's not irritating at all..

Tomorrow I am going to Nürnberk /Germany/ to the big market..actually I must wake up in four hours and should be sleeping..
I have got a letter from my Australian pen friend..



..but the song playing in my head is about murder and blood and being ugly and pain and loneliness..
it's like In the lake but not exactly.. but the melody is very similar..

this just a scream of a miserable girl needing some answer although she knows it will never come..